KIATolon: The man, the legend

[Aardvark]

Any goons present will know what I'm talking about, but this is the cream of Eve fleet command. No, really :D

Most of this is from Teamspeak, a few ingame chat.

GF Member: You know guys i petitioned my loss and i got my stuff back you should get stuff ba...
Tolon: SHUT THE **** UP YOU STUPID **** SHUT THE **** UP
GF Member: cause its really ea...
Tolon: GOD YOUR STILL TALKING SHUT THE **** UP SHUT THE **** UP SHUT UP

Someguy: <talks>
Tolon: SHUT THE **** UP! I ****ED YOUR SISTER AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE **** UP!

*a bit of silence, some talking*

Tolon: Nah I'm just kidding man I didn't have sex with your sister.
Someguy: <Begins to say it's ok, no need to apologize, etc>
Tolon: SHUT THE **** UP OR I WILL ****ING **** YOUR ****ING SISTER!

<TS Silence>
Tolon: SHUT THE **** UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
<TS Silence>
Tolon: I SAID SHUT THE **** UP!

Tolon: VEE-NAH-TAH! Get the **** outside the ****ing bubble!
Me: I'm outside the bubble.
Tolon: I SAID TO GET THE **** OUTSIDE OF THE ****ING BUBBLE!
Me: I'm out!
Tolon: Oh jesus christ what the **** is wrong with you?

*This is around the time he shot me*

Tolon: **** it, we're leaving without you.

*We gang jump, with me there. When we get there*

Tolon: Took you ****ing long enough next time get out of the ****ing bubble when I ****ing tell you to.

If you guys were Transformers you would be Stupidus Prime

get the cocks out of your ears

I could have ****ed my wife three times in the time its taking you idiots to align

Not actually a quote, an account by someone who serves under him:
I have this image of Tolon being some 85-year old grizzled war veteran with mild delusional paranoia who yells at everything and drinks to excess. Oh and he flies interweb spaceships.

Wife: "Hey Tolo..."
Tolon: "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU STUPID FAGGOT OR I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE OVARIES!!!!"
Wife: "Bu..."
Tolon: "QUIET!!! SHUT UP NOW OR I'LL KILL YOUR MOTHER!"
Echo: [...your mother...]
Tolon: "SHUT UP YOU UGLY ****ING FAGGOT!!!"

Tolon: I am the best ****ing fleet commander in Eve. Unless I have had more than one glass of whiskey. Then it is Sesfan. But I am still the best ****ing FC in this ****ing game. I once sat in local screaming at MC to engage my carrier at a planet and those 200 ****ers would not do it.

Sesfan: Tolon, that group gets bigger every time you tell that story.

Tolon: Shut the **** up! Alright, Alright, everyone who was there put an X in gang!
(waits for x's)
SEE! That really ****ing happened! So shut the **** up!

Random guy: I've got a couple BS's and cruisers near me!
Tolon: ALRIGHT EVERYBODY WARP TO "I" YOU STUPID ****ING ****. SAY YOUR ****ING NAME.

Tolon on people not aligning fast enough:

"I have a boner for ****ing killing people right now."

Tolon on his level of drunkenness

KIATolon: STFU HOMOS
KIATolon: I AM DRUNK

Tolon on people discussing their alcohol of choice

"WE'LL DRUNK VAGINA JUICE LATER!"

Tolon on people being retards

"IF YOU'RE SPECIAL NEEDS PUT X IN CHAT"

Tolon on warping us to a moon by accident

"I hope this moon is ****ing unoccupied

Tolon talking about Dungar

"I want a c/d in gang chat. Is Dungar a huge ****ing faggot, c/d?"

Someone came into GS&RED and asked to speak to a FC

Tolon: I AM DRUNK
Tolon: I WANT TO FIGHT
SomeoneElse: Don't convo him
Tolon: CONVO ME
Tolon: I'LL ADD YOU TO MY TOBEPODDED LTS
Tolon: I

Tolon on no one convoing him

"Congratulations to Goonfleet for ****ing failing to ****ing convo me."

Tolon on Stahl's demands that we stop webbing the station for the sake of the video

"I DON'T WANT THE STATION GETTING OUT OF MY RANGE, EVERYONE KEEP WEBBING THE ****ING STATION!"

Tolon on someone's really low mic volume

"My vagina talks louder than you shut the **** up"

Tolon on...something.

"For those of you in KZF you're in the wrong channel and..."

At this point he went into thirty seconds of drunken and slurred gibberish that was mostly threats of physical violence.

Tolon on his game crashing

Tolon: Gangboss, I need an invite
Me: Ok, just type in GS&RED
Tolon: SHUT THE **** UP FAGGOT!

Tolon, two seconds later

Tolon: I just realized you're the one inviting me, I shouldnt' call you a faggot

Tolon on people not aligning

"If you dont' ****ing align I'm going to **** all your sisters. Actually, wait, Joe, my brother who none of you know, he's here. HEY! These ****ers won't align and they've got too many sisters do you want to handle some of their sisters? There are a lot of them I need help on this. He says you're all space nerds."

Tolon on an enemy appearing at the same gate as us

"KILL HIM KILL HIM ****ING KILL HI---Aw ****. His sister's a whore.

Tolon on someone talking

"Shut up! Or I'll sleep with you...or your sister...or..."

Tolon telling us what gate to align to

"Line up for GBLpgblgplbglpasplg...Line up for that."

Tolon on a job well done

"I need to...sleepy sleepy sleepy

Tolon on someone saying 'good night'

"Shut up! Your ****ing sister says Hi!"

People wonder why goons are so loyal :D

[WiZZyWiGG]

This explains why most goons are as annoying as they are :)

Although some of that stuff reminds me of our TS lol

[andyf]

Does make me smile :)

[afty]

Hmm, kinda tempted to come back when I've finished skiing. Need something other than shooting random AI though. Suspect it might be in the game somewhere.

[Killy]

see now THAT would make me want to play eve :p:
sounds like an amusing guy :D

[Aardvark]

All the best FCs are the ones that shout lots.

I think theres a role for some of you guys there... :D

[Aardvark]

Oh more fun with Tolon:

http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/1530/beesqg8.png

[I R Crazy Hippo]

hahahaha thats class

[andyf]

Tolon on people not aligning fast enough:

"I have a boner for ****ing killing people right now."

Does he actually shoot people in his fleet when he gets mad enough? God I wish I could do that in Warcraft sometimes :D:D

[Aardvark]

Does he actually shoot people in his fleet when he gets mad enough? God I wish I could do that in Warcraft sometimes :D:D

God, yes. Do as Tolon says.

[Aardvark]

I remember accidentaly jumping through a gate with a couple other people (his goddamn mic cuts out so much... :cry:) and he followed us in and popped a celestis and one-volleyed a malediction. Thankfully I got some transversal in my inty and didn't lose it.

[Demondan]

Sounds like a cock tbh.

[Aardvark]

Sounds like a cock tbh.
You are so wrong :)

[andyf]

He sounds like a rude, enigmatic kind of guy. Sounds like it makes gigantic EVE battles crazy fun tbh

[kalleth]

http://www.rubicon-crossing.com/shinra/goonmeet/tolon%20+%20JD.JPG

The man himself.

[Aardvark]

RESIZE YOUR GODDAMN PICS OR I WILL **** YOUR SISTER!

[Critta]

Hell yeah, this was the guy who convinced me to start playing eve.... that was about 2 years ago now.

Full on respect :D

[andyf]

God, yes. Do as Tolon says.

Is it just Tolon that'll shoot at you? What if you shoot back? :p

[Aardvark]

Is it just Tolon that'll shoot at you? What if you shoot back? :p
A bold new tactic! I suggest you attempt to join Goonfleet and find out what happens! :p

[WiZZyWiGG]

oh I dunno we call him primary alot... he's harmless then :p

[Aardvark]

HOT UPDATES ON THE PHILOSOPHY OF TOLON

{admin edit: getting around swear filter}

[Ryvita]

EVE - The family friendly MMO...

Ryv

[Aardvark]

Oh most definitely not. Unless its your sister, then I hear Tolon will get very friendly.

[Towneh]

Inspirational.

[Thrud]

Now I know where I have been going wrong... I don't swear at my corp enough!

[Freelancer]

lol xxAngelxx swears alot also

[Aardvark]

HOT UPDATES ON THE PHILOSOPHY OF TOLON

{admin edit: getting around swear filter}

Boff please post the link of the image you edited out of here because I've lost it THANKS :shobon:

[andyf]

Is that pic Kalleth posted up there from an i-series? :O

[Deman]

That guys a reason not to join goon, amongst others.

[Blue_Monkey]

As an outside observer with no affiliations i can safely say Goon seems to be full of smacktards.

[Aardvark]

I don't think you 'get' Goons :arms:

[Anim]

From the outside i find the goons amusing, if it were from the inside though i can only see it being hilarious.

[Aardvark]

Goonfleet is clown patrol. 90% of the reason people hate them is because losing your space to a bunch of idiots with giant floppy shoes making honking noises makes a mockery of their serious space combat game.

[Anim]

but the swarm is serious business!

[snowblind]

Sounds like a complete prick!

Reminds me of the WoW Stop dots thing

http://amsterdam1.plunder.com/994/OnyxiaWipe.swf

[Blue_Monkey]

Maybe i don't "get" them but all i see from them is blobbing and smack talk. One of my mates is in with them and a director who was leading their fleet a couple of nights ago was described as "Psycotic"

[Predat0r]

Somehow, I managed to meet a member of goonfleet at a rave last night. Absolutely random, but nonetheless.
I've been told the main reason why they keep Tolon there is purely for comical reasons.


On another comical note, I also got invited to join them by aforementioned member... :awesome:

[Killy]

Sounds like a complete prick!

Reminds me of the WoW Stop dots thing

http://amsterdam1.plunder.com/994/OnyxiaWipe.swf

You need these people around to get things done! :p:

P.S. moar dots pls, kthx.