The Mighty Showdown

[Neon]

Battle to the death! Whos gonna win, and more importantly why!

[Baz]

sorry T would win.

1. Has cool van
2. Can fashion anything from any old rubbish, be it tank, jet fighter, or anti-Norris Cannon
3. His gold chains add +500 armour and deflect all attacks, whilst blinding opponents
4. If Cancer couldn't beat Mr.T - NOTHING can
5. He's Helluva tough
6. Diet consists purely of milk and dairy products - He's the ultimate Atkins fighting machines

[Aardvark]

But Chuck Norris is CHUCK ****ING NORRIS!

[Andy^]

Chuck Norris clearly... I mean:

1: A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

2: Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

3: Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

4: Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

5: Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

I mean c'mon, Norris is so badass he could cure cancer with his tears, but HE'S NEVER CRIED!!!

-Andy :D

[Optimus]

Ahh the Chuck Norris random quote generator... How the internet would be ever slightly more boring if you hadn't been invented...

For the record, Mr. T had cancer which was cured by Chuck Norris' tears... They are now both good friends.

[RocketKnight]

"Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's."

[no friends]

In that case.

Vin diesel would win.
Failing that. Be scared. Be very scared of ross kemphttp://www.netplicity.com/~xearo/kemp/kemp.gif http://www.sc0rian.com/kemp/kemp.gif

I'm sorry. But chuck norris isn't as good as ross kemp. See further for details:

Ross Kemp is invulnerable to Kryptonite.

In certain languages Kemp is a noun literally meaning 'miner of the valley of death'.

Ross Kemp's weapon of choice is the M16.

Ross Kemp undoubtedly has a large penis.

Ross Kemp has enough biological knowledge of the Female anatomy for him to be a qualified Gynacologist.

Ross Kemp operates at 100% efficiency

Ross Kemp ejacualates with the approximate equal force of a 17th century Galleon cannon.

Ross Kemp is a prudent supporter of the suffragettes and "smacking his bitch up".

Ross Kemp is a time lord.

Ross Kemp is a deliverer of justice to evil-doers.

Ross Kemp sleeps standing up with all three eyes open and the safteys off.

Due to his large mass per unit volume, Ross Kemp exerts a gravitational pull on any given body where strength is an inverse square of his proximity to said body... except gays.

Ross Kemp is a one-man mobile command unit.

Ross Kemp believes that all Vegans & Vegetarians should be put on an island, so they can be nuked. He is in the process of single-handedly militarily procuring the Muricious islands to this end.

Ross Kemp is unable to remember or pronounce the word "fear".

Ross Kemp refutes man on man action.

Ross Kemp bics his hair in order to reduce his radar footprint.

Ross Kemp refuses to acknowledge Russia, instead believing it still to be called the USSR.

The sovereign state of Kemp exists exactly 3 metres outward in all directions from Ross Kemp's centre of mass. There is only one rule in this state: no pacifism.

Ross Kemp has unspoken telapathy with all inhabitants of the animal kingdom.

Ross Kemp invented gravity.

Ross Kemp refuses to acknowledge the existence colour Pink, instead calling it "very light Red".

Ross Kemp can grow 50 feet in all directions in a self-defence strategy called "Kempist Enlargement".

Ross Kemp is the only biological organism that knows how an interuterine device functions.

Due to the inherently gravitous nature of anything Ross Kemp says or implies Ross Kemp can not interact socially in light conversation.

Ross Kemp always buys sunglasses that have a connecting cord between the ear pieces in order for him to look like a hard bastard.

Ross Kemp is physically unable to mince, even in a purely thespian capacity.

Ross Kemp is fluent in all known languages including Ebonics and Polari.

Ross Kemp can temporarily cure impotency in all male species with a special combat technique.

Ross Kemp secretes only a mixture of pure oxygen and water.

Ross Kemp refutes Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard.

Ross Kemp is an advocate and user of the language Esperanto.

Ross Kemp owns the only existing flying tank: A flying Panzer.

Unlike the rest of the human race, Ross Kemp speaks forwards in dreams instead of reverse like in that 'Twin Peaks', an ability unique only to Ross Kemp.

Ross Kemp is embroiled in a never-ending war with the indigeonous peoples of Wales.

Ross Kemp co-wrote the screen play for both Robocop and Terminator, originating the phrases "Dead or alive, you're coming with me", and "I'll be back".

Ross Kemp has diplomatic immunity for all his sexual actions.

Ross Kemp uses the term pyjamas, or jammies, but refutes the term PJs as it is affiliated with American culture and detracts from the english language which he finds offensive to the Queen.

When the phrase "Macho like Kemp" is spoken close to them, certain species of ants over-produce male pheromones.

Ross Kemp has a gland that secretes tear gas.

Ross Kemp talks exclusivley in the third person.

Whilst fighting with Mujahadeen in Afghanistan, Ross Kemp single-handedly defeated the Soviet Troops in one continuous week long battle, that resulted in the Russians retreating from Afghanistan.

Ross Kemp has mastered the ability of levitation for combat purposes.

In 1999, the "Kemp Accord" stated that Ross Kemp will never engage in warfare with earth, but will retaliate if provoked into conflict. It was signed by all nations of the world, but excludes San Francisco.

Ross Kemp is a self described "**** hot gurner".

Ross Kemp sweats a 50/50 mixture testosterone and sarin gas.

Ross Kemp believes in peace and equality between all nations and races... except gays.

During the filming of Ultimate Force, Ross Kemp embarked on a three week training course with Navy Seals, this resulted in 300 casualties.

Ross Kemp is comprised of genetically engineered semi-robotic cells that instantly heal an epidermal wound if sustained in a combat situation or embarrassing sexual accident.

Ross Kemp is to Morrissey - of The Smiths fame - what matter is to anti-matter.

Ross Kemp invented a time machine so he could become a futuristic law-enforcement officer in a post-industrial dangerous urban environment.

If Ross Kemp were to be cloned, the earth would be thrown into a two-sided world conflict in which both Ross Kemp and Ross Kemp would be victorious.

Ross Kemp can see through certain metal alloys.

Ross Kemp rained down a marauding killing spree on the French in a Blimp, because he hates France.

Ross Kemp can flatulate nuclear weapons, which are used to defend his sovereign state.

Ross Kemp has more body mass than that of 50 men combined.

Ross Kemp invented all forms of self-defence, including Karate and Sumo wrestling.

Ross Kemp can hack at approximatley 300 keystrokes per minute in a combat arena.

Ross Kemp's tears smell of steel, and can be used to cure wounded animals.

Ross Kemp believes all forms of transportation should have tank tracks in order to be effective.

Ross Kemp has infra-red vision.

Ross Kemp: lead in, bullets out... 'nuff said.

---

With this evidence i would like to conclude that Ross Kemp would totally own any further threat of the existing world. Including Chuck Norris and Mr T

[her0n]

This thread would be a lot more interesting if it wasn't just a repeat of quotes from websites ¬_¬

Baz's post was entertaining though!

[Neon]

Originally posted by her0n
This thread would be a lot more interesting if it wasn't just a repeat of quotes from websites ¬_¬

Baz's post was entertaining though! Agreed.

[Killy]

stalemate
Chuck Norris couldn't kick through Mr T's gold chains and MR T couldn't fold his arms and shake his head fast enough to beat Norris.

[Baz]

all above who cut and pasted from websites suck, though i like the thing about T and norris creating the 80's.

[Minidisk]

damn No_friends beat me to it ;P

[Neon]

Yes make up your own! We have all read www.4q.cc!

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick, Mr T has solid gold armour !

[Mesarim]

Mr. T is actually Chuck Norris' black twin, who was born at the same time, and simultaneously grew a beard along side Chuck Norris.

[Baz]

nasa has asked to borrow some gold off t, as his jewelry now accounts for over 90% of world gold reserves.

[Thrud]

Nonsense... all nonsense....

THE HOFF WOULD BEAT THEM BOTH!

[Afty]

Originally posted by Mesarim
Mr. T is actually Chuck Norris' black twin, who was born at the same time, and simultaneously grew a beard along side Chuck Norris. Lies, Chuck Norris was born bearded!

[Ryvita]

Recent scientific research has shown that were a woman to walk between Chuck Norris & Mr. T, she would split down the middle and each half would attempt to drag itself towards them.

Ryv

[The Enforcer]

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267

[LIFE]

"i aint gettin on no plane foo" says t

"ok t, fancy a drink of milk?" says random member of the a-team

"sure, yummy" says t

t sleeps.........





t can b beaten by a simple glass of milk

norris has no known weakness

therfore norris wins!

simple!

[Neon]

Chuck Norris once ate a machine gun, he now craps bullets.
Mr T can craft bullet proof armour out of anything!

[Toptotty]

Who the blithering hell is Chuck Norris?

[Gunsmith]

Originally posted by Toptotty
Who the blithering hell is Chuck Norris?

actual

oh

my

god

:eek:

(you are joking?)

[Mesarim]

tell me you are joking top!

[no friends]

Mr T is officially the worlds strongest man!
He shows this by carrying the equivalent to one average jewelery shop on each hand and the equivalent to 2 floors of the tiffanys jewelry department around his neck.

[LIFE]

U JUST MADE BABY JESUS (AKA CHUCK NORRIS) CRY..........then explode!

[RocketKnight]

Originally posted by Toptotty
Who the blithering hell is Chuck Norris?

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001569/

The roundhouse kicks and his incredible feats are a reference to Walker Texas Ranger. Its the stuff that legends are made of TBH.

[her0n]

Wow, it would appear that Chuck and I share the same birthday :o

[Portia]

I must also admin ingorance wrt. Mr. Norris.

I know who Mr T. is though and "Pity the foo" who doesn't.

[kandy]

Bah Chuck Norris looks like an angry christian

[winbar]

Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count.



I think this one sums the poll up

[Mesarim]

I read that one off of 4q.cc as well!

[Toptotty]

Originally posted by Gunsmith
actual

oh

my

god

:eek:

(you are joking?)
No, no really, and the link to IMDB didn't help either

Is it cos I don't watch telly?
Mandy

[Guigsy]

i'm with tt on this one... a team is just the best ever. and my T is easily the best... and he cares for kids!

[D0c]

Conclusive proof!

http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Chuck+Norris&word2=Mr+T

[Neon]

Never fear Ross Kemp
http://www.tv-ark.org.uk/commercials/commercials_h-l/kelloggsfruitnfibre1990.jpg